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Joker Robbie pushed boat out to lift United spirits...but stopped when he frightened squad!BY PHIL ROSTRON
SO far as Robbie Blake was concerned, there had been enough suffering in the Leeds United ranks following the play-off final disaster against Watford.
The mood had to be lifted, the Leeds United striker decided, and if drastic measures had to be taken to achieve this, then so be it.
And so, on the team-bonding exercise that was the club's pre-season tour of Norway, Blake assumed the role of joker in the pack – to terrifying extremes.
He takes up the story.
"Fabulous place, Norway. Beautiful. And awe-inspiring. I'd never been there before and you hear about these fjords and how they're a wonder of the world and so on.
"When we got to them people were cruising and gazing and taking photographs and video footage and the like and it was all very calm and peaceful.
"A bit too quiet, if you ask me. I thought the place needed livening up a bit. So I commandeered a speedboat and told a few lads to jump in the back while I did the steering.
"They thought it was a bit of a hoot, but they were soon turning a whiter shade of pale as I put my foot down and we took off at a fantastic speed from a standing start.
"I was laughing my socks off, loving every minute, and the expletives coming from behind only made me want to go even faster.
"It dawned on me after a while that blind panic was setting in – at least judging by the cursing and swearing and threats to throttle me it was – but it was only when I started thinking about the consequences of wiping out half the Leeds United squad that I slowed down and decided, instead, to become one of the tourists!"
Rightful
James Bond didn't have this much fun, but if Blake has any ambitions to join the diplomatic corps then Miss Moneypenny may advise that he'd be better sticking to the day job.
That, of course, is the all-consuming attempt to propel United back to their rightful place in the Premiership.
A repeat of last season's haul of a dozen goals will certainly help but the predatory Blake is looking for something approaching double that in the 2006/7 campaign ahead.
"There were a lot of frustrations last time," he says after a draining training session under a burning sun at Thorp Arch.
"The gaffer was snookered when he lost Steve Stone to injury before a ball had been kicked, heavily reducing his options on the right and necessitating different forms of improvisation throughout.
"With the best will in the world, neither Dave Healy nor I are speedy wingers who can beat their man, get to the byline and deliver a stunning cross, but we were forced into that role.
"And the best either of us could offer was a little bit of trickery here, and the attempted killer pass there.
"It restricted the goalscoring returns of both of us, but having Stoney back is a real bonus.
"He's a great lad off the pitch – very funny – and on it he's got the talent, the experience and the know-how when it comes to winning games at this level.
"He'll be a key player next season and hopefully will be the supplier of many a goal. He's not averse to popping a few in himself, either."
Looking sleeker and F***er than at any time last season, Blake says: "I didn't have any kind of pre-season last time because I was being left out of Birmingham's plans and had to do things on my own.
"There are consequences when that happens. I arrived at Leeds one day and was playing competitive second-tier football the next.
"All the time it was a game of catch-up for me fitness-wise.
"I didn't want that to happen this time and after putting in a lot of early work I feel F***er than I've ever done.
"Everyone at this club has a big job on their hands because it's going to be one hell of a difficult league this season.
"Our aim has got to be automatic promotion and to achieve that at the expense of clubs like Birmingham, West Brom, Sunderland, Wolves and Southampton will take a lot of bringing about.
"I'm expecting Derby to do well, too, and when you throw into the mix the inevitable surprise contender you can gauge the size of the task.
"Yet nobody here is anticipating anything less than promotion.
"They're a great bunch of lads with heaps of talent and if we can set that 'goals for' column rattling along we'll be formidable opponents for anybody and everybody.
"There's no point in envying Watford their place in the Premiership – they deserved it.
"Our target now is to emulate them."
You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows
B.Dylan
